wishful thinking
by maya.s
Summary: Laura's story
1. beginning

Wishful thinking.  
  
Her gaze hasn't moved from the window. It was open, and she felt the wind blowing in. For a second she thought it would ruin her hair, but immediately laughed at herself. Even in the hardest situations, she just couldn't let go.  
  
The scenery was beautiful: trees, birds, an open road. She never did like the city. She consciously kept herself from looking at the front seat. She couldn't look at them, guilt filling her heart, turning her stomach, watering her eyes.  
  
She tried to think back to the last days, weeks, months, and couldn't remember where it all became so twisted, wrong, public.  
  
She noticed the car slowing down and then stopping in front of a wooden building.  
  
Laura, are you sleeping? We're here, honey.""  
  
( Don't call me that! I don't deserve it..).  
  
She nodded, and pulled herself out of the car.  
  
A/N - its very short, i know, but its my first fanfic, in fact, the first thing i wrote in a long time, but it's 2 a.m. and when the mood strikes..  
  
Anyway, review if you want, I'd really appreciate it. 


	2. change

Change. Everything always changes.   
  
Don't cry mom, please, you promised me you wouldn't..." Laura pleaded."  
She was saying goodbye to her parents. Her mom was crying, of course, and it made her feel even worst.   
"I'm sorry, you know how I worry about you... you're my life, I love you more than anything in the world, remember that."   
"I know mom... but you're the one who always says how change is good. And it will be..." now Laura was starting to cry. She could never see someone crying without crying with him. She hated being so vulnerable like that, open.  
She hugged her parents one last time and turned around, leaving her old life behind her. She wiped her eyes, screaming at herself to stop and be calm and strong and numb.   
Now facing her were new, unfamiliar, faces. A tall, brown haired man, and a blonde woman. They looked like someone's worried parents as well.  
"Welcome to Horizon, Laura. I'm Peter Scarbrow, the headmaster of Horizon, and this is Sophie Becker, she'll be your counselor."   
Of course, they weren't.   
Laura put on her constant shy smile, but said nothing.   
"Ok, we'll get your bags, talk a bit, and then take you to the nurse for a physical."  
Is that alright with you? Do you need another minute to gather yourself?" "   
Peter was referring to her still red, shining eyes. She looked so helpless to him, almost breakable.   
"No, it's fine, I'm fine. Let's just get it over with." Laura said quietly, looking at the ground.   
  
*****  
"So, do you want to tell me what the nurse I sgoing to find when she'll examine you?"  
Peter and Laura were now sitting in a small room.   
Laura sighed heavily. This place is not going to be easy.   
Do you think change is a good thing?" she asks, looking at Peter intensely. "  
Well, I believe it could be. Depends on how you adapt to it." "   
Laura thinks for a moment. "I guess I was never really good in adapting", she says, burring her head in the ground.  
"What kind of changes did you go through?" Peter asks, intrigued by the conversation."  
"People change all the time, don't they? Grow up, get new interests, go to different places..."   
"And that's a natural thing, it's how you evolve and grow as a person. You cant spend you whole life sitting in a box..."  
""But it would be a lot easier, don't you think?, she retorts   
."Well, that's where we disagree"  
They both sit in silence, until Laura says finally, " I think that what the nurse is going to find is my adaptation to change." 


	3. wanting

She wanted to dance. Wanted to be in front of a large audience, her hair carefully pinned up, lights dim, soft music, excitement butterflies all over her stomach.   
  
"Laura, you can come in now"  
  
Dance, ballet, used to be her life. It's the world she was in everyday straight after school, in the best studios, with the best teachers that made her be the best. She was never tired, never complained. Always wanting more.   
  
She was standing on the scale now, eyes closed. Wanting, yet not wanting to see the result. Getting tired of showing the world her weaknesses, the ever-growing presence of her ribs, the disturbing scratches on her legs.   
  
Even though it's been more than a year since she had to quit, ballet was still part of her life. Doing little pirouettes whenever she was alone, watching recordings of her first leading role, taking another glance at the Juilliard brochure.  
  
.  
  
Horizon was the last place she thought she'd be.  
  
***  
  
A/N - hope you weren't too confused by this chapter. I actually like that it's a little vague and unclear...   
I also wanted to thank my reviewers, feedback is great. 


	4. feeling

"So... Laura, that's your name isn't it?"  
Laura looked at the blond girl standing in front of her, thinking if she even wanted to answer, and ended up just nodding quietly.  
"Don't speak too much, do you?"  
The blond is persistent.  
"Anyway, I'm Shelby, welcome to our little cabin in the mountains. I'm supposed to watch over you this week, so don't be too much of a headache, ok?" she waited for a response that didn't come and then continued, "lunch is in five minutes in the cafeteria, make sure you be there".  
Laura was left deep in thought, as always. On one hand, she didn't want to cause trouble by not showing up on her first day. On the other hand - launch, in front of all these new people she didn't know, wasn't a very good combination.  
She made the obvious choice - to stay in and ignore the world around her.  
  
****  
  
"Did you see the new girl yet?" Juliet asked, looking up from her plate.  
"Yeah, Peter made me her first week buddy." Shelby answered, not sounding very interested. "Don't know what her thing is...didn't say a word."  
  
****   
  
So, it came to this. All her time and effort, and for what? Everything will be taken away from her now anyway. Every single attempt of control. She might as well go along and accept it.   
Laura was starring out the little window of the bathroom she locked herself in. That's where she felt safe. That was her place. People - new, unfamiliar people, made her uncomfortable. She would become so quiet and invisible, and later hate herself for it. So why even bother, you know?   
That's why she loved to dance so much. She could express herself so freely, in ways she could never tell a sole. The seemingly shy, dull girl had all these intense feelings inside that she had to let out. And this was her outlet. It's what made her complete.   
Of course that ended too. One, brisk fall, that hurt her knee and killed her dream. And since then, life has been a swirl. Laura returned to her everyday school-and-friends life, but a part of her was missing. And all that happened since then, she would claim, were just her attempts to get some control and order in her life. And would everyone please leave her alone.  
Almost instinctively, Laura reached for her leg, lifting her jeans to reveal the pale skin, marked with endless scars. Ugly, yet beautiful. Her own. She started scratching at the skin, tears forming in her eyes, only half-aware of her actions.  
Suddenly, a knock on the door.  
"Laura, are you in there? It's Juliet. You haven't met me yet, but I'm in your group." The voice piped in.  
Laura started panicking. That she didn't expect.   
"Yes...?" she answered, trying to sound as ordinary as possible.   
  
"Are you ok in there?"  
  
****  
  
A/N - a weird ending, I know, but I wanted to post this, cause I haven't in a long time. I'll be happy to know what you think. 


End file.
